I’ve always wondered why it is that I never have to poop when I’m somewhere where it would be either extremely inconvenient to take a dump; extremely difficult to take a dump; or nigh impossible to take a dump.  Even over a 3 day (or more) period!  Why is that?  I certainly didn’t “will” myself to NOT have the urge to poop (although I’d certainly relish that ability!).  Yet when I’m in a “poop-friendly” environment (i.e., my own home), when the urge to poop arrives, I’ve usually got only a minute or two to hit the toilet before all hell breaks loose.  Luckily, over my lifetime, I’ve always been able to reach a toilet in time.  So again I ask — why hasn’t this ever occurred when a toilet isn’t conveniently available or I’m in a “poop-unfriendly” environment?  For example, I never get the urge to poop when driving (unless I have diarrhea, in which case there’s a nasty rumor that I shit my pants on my way to work… unfortunately, it’s true).

In summary:

  • I never need or get the urge to poop when I’m somewhere where I can’t poop or it would be extremely difficult or inconvenient to do so (i.e., a “poop-unfriendly” environment) .
  • I get the urge to poop & poop often when I’m in a “poop-friendly” environment

Is this normal?  Don’t know.  Is this bad?  Don’t think so.  It’s just that when I get less than a 2-minute warning of imminent poop when I’m in a poop-friendly environment, it makes me wonder (not to mention, worry) what would happen if I was in a “Poop-Unfriendly” environment.  Luckily, it’s never happened over the past 4+ decades.

I’ve never had a ‘regular’ poop schedule except for about a week one summer when I was 20 years old.  At that time I did have a schedule where I went poop every morning around 2:00 AM.  But there were unusual circumstances (i.e., it was a very “poop-unfriendly” environment).  It was the summer after my freshman year in college & I was a 4th Class Navy Midshipman stationed at the San Diego Naval Station for training.  A hundred or so of us were housed in condemned barracks that were slated for destruction.  The only bathroom available to us was approx. 20 ft x 40 ft in size, with a urinal trough running down one side of the long wall (no dividers).  Across from the trough urinal was a row of a dozen or more toilets, approximately 3 ft apart, with NO dividers, NO stalls, NO NOTHING.  Well… I have enough difficulties just taking a leak (when sober) standing 12″ away from someone else with no divider in place.  There is no way in hell I could poop out in the open in a room full of people AND sitting right next to one or two other folks.  Remember–no stalls; no dividers; no NOTHING!  So… without any decision or conscious thinking on my part, I’d wake up around 2 AM every night with the urge to poop, and I had the bathroom ALL to my little self.  Well… almost all to myself.  There were these huge roaches that you could hear walking across the bathroom floor.  The lights went out automatically @ 10PM & we couldn’t turn them on.  I purposely kept my flashlight off just so I couldn’t see how many of the huge buggers were in there with me, tip-tapping across the floor…

OK… enough crap.  I’m pooped.